Love Shaming
Shaming- the act of subjecting someone to disgrace, humiliation by public exposure or criticism.
Here’s some examples of love shaming I've experienced. Once I was told by someone really close to me that I “act like I can’t be alone”. Another time I was told that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Although these statements may or may not have been intentionally said to hurt me, they did.
Recently a friend of mine was told by someone that she idolizes marriage.
Idolize-means to worship as a god.
That statement is one that I absolutely hate. I hate this term because it's mostly used in the black community and only as it relates to marriage.
For example, if I share with my family/loved ones that I’m ready to buy a house they would probably congratulate me and give me suggestions about the process such as working on my credit and saving for a down payment. If I share with my family/loved ones that I want to lose weight they would likely tell me that's good and probably attempt to join the journey. No one ever calls these desires idolatry. But as soon as I mention I’m ready to get married and I’m about to prepare, most if not all would say “wait on God’s timing” and/or say because I’m being intentional about my future marriage, I’m making an idol of it.
Why do you think preparing for marriage should wait, why is a woman “idolizing” marriage because she is consciously preparing??
I believe the devil uses love shaming to suppress a woman’s desire to marry. As I mentioned this term “idolizing” marriage is only circulated in the black community. Yes, the community with the least marriages.
Even in the church, wanting/desiring marriage and speaking out loud about it is labeled “idolatry”
Below are a couple of scriptures to support the desire for marriage.
Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him an help meet for him.
In other words, we were created for the man.
Ecclesiastes 4:9- Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
Matthew 18:19- Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask it shall be done for them by my Father in Heaven
Now although this does not specify man/woman we know when it's time to pray your mate should be the first one you run to. They will usually be the closest person available for prayer.
Proverbs 18:22- He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
I really wish people believed this………
I believe that calling the desire to marry “idolatry” is demonic, to taint the hope of the believers.
Before continuing to read, I suggest you stop here. I’d like you to do a family tree of your mother’s and father’s side of the family. Using everyone who is at least 18 years old, count how many marriages are on each side and divide by the total number of people old enough to marry. This will give you the percentage of marriages in your family.
On my mother’s side of all the adults our marriage rate is 12%. On my father’s side the marriage rate is 31%. On both sides the marriage rate is less than 50%.
Now let's look at a scripture that should be a constant reminder for life
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)- For our wrestle/struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Struggle- a forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or constriction.
I’ve identified a problem in my bloodline on both sides. Now I have a scripture to remind me of where and how I should address it. Now let’s talk about how to fix it.
Isaiah 58:6- Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
1)to loose the bonds of wickedness
2)to undo the heavy burdens
3)to let the oppressed go free,
4)and that you break every yoke
I remember watching a video on Youtube, a young lady said we can not fast for marriage, we can not get God to move cause we fast. Why can’t we fast for marriage, where is that in the Bible. We know according to God’s word there’s a time and season for everything under the sun however disobedience because of you or your ancestors can and will delay that time and season.
If you’ve done everything in the natural way to prepare, and nothing has moved. Perhaps you need to fast for your marriage future.
Matthew 17:21- But this kind does not go out except by praying and FASTING.
This scripture was talking about the casting out of demons however let's look at the definition of kind
Kind-a group of people or things having similar characteristics.
My kind is the low marriage rates on both sides of my family.
Therefore if we wrestle/struggle against the spiritual forces of wickedness and fasting “loose the bonds of wickedness” why not begin fasting against the wickedness interfering with our marriages????????
Fasting- to abstain from food (this is the biblical definition)
I suggest that you do a study of fasting in the Bible to have a better understanding of its power.
Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end.
Expected-hope, ground of hope, things hoped for
I believe hoping for marriage is okay, preparing for marriage is okay, believing God will answer your prayers for marriage is okay.
So that you don’t fall into the idolization of marriage or anything else, stay in constant communication with the Lord. Seek His wisdom, His knowledge, His guidance.